I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
