Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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