I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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