dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
