The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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