He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
