Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
