just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
