did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
