I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
