my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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