The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it hurts more in the daytime
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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