He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
