Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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