You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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