so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
