Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
