He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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