I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
