Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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