I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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