May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
