Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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