wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
