ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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