Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
