He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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