Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
