pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can I color on your dick again?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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