Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
