I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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