cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
