I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
