dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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