Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
