explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
