Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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