I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
