Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Randomize