boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
