totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
