he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Your shirt... Was in my pants
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
