Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
