I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
