I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
