A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You smell like stripper and shame
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
