Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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