Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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