He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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