i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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