can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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