I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
