the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
