You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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