im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
