Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
