Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
