Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
