my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
