thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
