My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
