i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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