I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
