Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
