He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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