i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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