All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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