You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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