Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
