I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
