I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
