shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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