I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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