his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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