Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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