I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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